What Are Life Defining Moments and How to Deal With Them

By Warren Wong

There are moments in our lives that define us. Make or break moments that seemingly have the power to change the course of our lives. At these pivotal moments, there is usually a decision to make, sometimes a split second decision, and others, a drawn out process.

Life defining moments aren’t at the forefront of our everyday lives. They happen once every few years, or once a decade. There are more obvious ones like going to college, or who we marry, to the inconspicuous, like the moral courage to stand up for a cause you believe in, at the cost of self.

Each path can set us drifting in vastly different directions. Examining life defining moments and learning how to better handle them will prepare you for the ones to come.

What are Life Defining Moments

Life defining moments mark an important change whether it’s a decision we’ve made or one made for us. They are usually relationships, career, or personal decisions we make or fail to make.

What makes a moment “life defining” comes down to the aftereffects of a decision, whether immediate or ten years in the future. 

You might be wondering, how do I predict what will happen in ten years time when I’m not even sure what I’ll have for dinner.

There is no way to predict the future, if there was, my day job would be at the casino. But, there are ways we can examine life defining moments in ours and other people’s lives to learn how we will make our own decisions when the moment arises.

The more obvious life events such as where you go to school, what you will study, who you marry, and where you live can be pre-planned with a little foresight. However, the trickier ones that are hard to plan for require a different approach, one of training and preparation for the unknown unknowns.  

Why They Matter

I think it is quite easy to just go with the flow in life. There are a thousand reasons why swimming downstream is easier than upstream. It requires more effort, and is hard to maintain. However, the benefit of preparation and planning for life defining moments comes in making decisions that are aligned with our life goals.

It is easy to make a poor decision or fail to make a choice. Whether that’s due to pressure, stress, confusion or lack of care, sometimes we make a choice that is wrong for us.

I’ve made my fair share of poor decisions. And yet, I believe that those poor decisions are only worthless, if we don’t learn anything from them. There is more value in reflecting on our losses than our wins, because through failure we can learn important lessons that inform our future successes.

Herein lies a way to view past decisions, to reflect and learn all we can so that we can make better ones in the future.

In the typical Hero’s journey, a common narrative, the protagonist experiences a life defining moment due to a poor decision or one forced upon them. I see it as a parallel to real life. Sometimes there is no one to blame for life’s misfortunes. Perhaps it’s a higher power if you are religious or the forces of the universe are acting against you. We can only control how we respond, and our attitude. 

The hero goes on a grand adventure due to some tragedy that happens to them, they go through trials and tribulations, and confront their enemy in order to return home a hero.

We will have our own trials and tribulations forced upon us at some point in our lives. And, we will have a decision to make. How do we respond? In that pivotal moment, our choices will become a part of our identity. How can we be the hero of our own story? 

Decisions Decisions

Having an idea of how you made previous life defining decisions is going to be helpful in making future ones. Revisit how you made previous decisions. Perhaps where you went to university or how you decided to enter the profession you’re in.

Ask yourself some probing questions. How was my frame of mind when I made the decision? Did I have all the information to make the best possible decision? If not, is there something I can do in order to make better future decisions? Was there missing information that now looking back would have made it easier to decide?

As you look back on past decisions, it will likely jog memories and old emotions. This is a normal part of the process.

One decision we don’t often spend a lot of time on is where we live. We don’t get to decide where we are born, but we do have a say in where we live. Where we live will influence where we will or won’t find our jobs, partner, community, and opportunities. 

When we examine our decision on where we live, how did we feel at the time? What were our motivations to live here and not another place? Did we seriously consider our options? Were we limited in our options due to factors we had control over?

As we drill down into a past decision, we start to unpack the deciding factors. Perhaps we were impulsive, where a bit more time would have done us some good. Or there could have been a gap in knowledge, but now it’s filled through hard earned experience.

At every step there are lessons to be learned. We can’t consider all scenarios, and we can’t wait forever before making a decision, but we can learn from past decisions. And over time, we will improve.

Let’s take a look at a different type of decision. Split second decisions. These are the decisions that are often in the spur of the moment. You barely get any time to react, and act on instinct. 

In these scenarios, I argue that our character, and past training and experiences play a large part in how we respond. What happens when you’re presented with an opportunity to cheat on an exam? Or you see a fight escalating, and you’re the only other person close enough to help? How would you react in these scenarios?

I call these life defining moments, not only because of the resulting consequences, getting kicked out of school, or getting in harm’s way, but because they are one more experience where you define the type of person you are.

And so that presents us with an opportunity. When we reflect upon our lives and the choices we have made, there is an opportunity for change. Of course, not all decisions can be changed, some are permanent, but most decisions have room for improvement. 

Conclusion

In our lives, we are presented with life defining moments that hinge on how we respond. By reflecting upon our past, we can better inform our future decisions.

These moments matter because they have the ability to alter the course of our lives in positive or negative ways. We can choose to believe that we are powerless, thrust about by forces of nature or we can take control by playing an active role in creating our own fate.

My own life changed when I viewed myself as the hero of my own story. If there was anyone that could change my life, it was me. I had to be courageous. I had to step up. I had to face my demons. And I needed to be the superhero that the world needed, that I needed.