Read This Before You Die

Steve Jobs, American business magnate, and visionary for Apple, while approaching death’s doorsteps reiterated a story from his childhood, one that would ultimately lead to the building of his dream.

He said, “When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, some day you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been ‘no’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

While I know that it may be morbid, taboo and even yes a little uncomfortable to think of death, I think that it is important to talk about it.

My Personal Experience with Death

My first encounter with death was when my grandfather, from my father’s side, passed away. He was 82.

I do not remember if I had cried or not when my parents told me. They didn’t go into the details, nor did I ask.

They said that he was no longer with us and that he was in a better place. I attended the funeral service and cremation, paid my respects and that was that. 

I wasn’t particularly close to my grandfather, but I did know he loved my brother and I.

As a self absorbed angsty teenager, my life revolved around me, so quickly thereafter, life went on. 

Different religions on death

The Sikhs believe in reincarnation for those that lived a life in accordance to God’s plan.

The Jewish believe that when they die they will go to heaven and meet with God, that death is part of God’s plan and a part of life.

The Buddhist believe in rebirth and that they will be reborn again when they die and that the goal is to escape the cycle of death and rebirth by attaining enlightenment. 

While I am not a religious person, I believe that religion teaches us important lessons about life and death, whether we believe in a higher power or not.

While today, I am not here to debate on whether God exists or not, I am here to shed more light on the topic of death. 

A study on death

Through an interesting study that Cornell University, Thomas Gilovich, Ph.D. conducted, he discovered, after speaking with those lying on their deathbeds, that they didn’t regret the things that they did, but regret the things that they didn’t do.

While I don’t recommend that you quit your day job or drop out of university, and start on your bucket list like Ben Nemetin did, you can start with reflecting on your life and the choices you have or have not made.

Are you happy? Are you sad? Are you content? Do you want more? 

Money and happiness

I grew up in the suburbs of Queens. My parents are immigrants who had come over to the U.S. in search of the American dream, so money was always an issue.

I am grateful that my parents afforded me the opportunity to go to university, but as you can imagine, being a university student I didn’t have any financial resources of my own. 

I knew the importance of money, and what it can do. Without money I couldn’t do the things I wanted to. I was envious of others who had the money to go on extravagant trips, buy the latest tech and don a lavish lifestyle.

I, along with many of my peers, looked at these so called role models portrayed in the media with envy. They had it all, or so it seems.

On the flipside or wealth and power, there is also a dark side.

We lost the likes of Mac Miller, 26, Prince, 57, Amy Winehouse, 27, Heath Ledger, 28, to drug overdoses just in the past decade.

What did these talented individuals have that we didn’t? What these tragedies make us feel, can also be a tale of caution, and even perhaps wisdom.

Knowing that Mac Miller is the same age as I am, is shocking. If amassing money, wealth, and fame isn’t the solution, maybe the answer lies somewhere else.

The opposite of death is living with purpose

As a college student at Binghamton University, upstate New York, I spent time studying hard in Bartle library, but I also spent a fair share of “after-hours” downtown.

While I did maintain a good grade point average, and graduated with a Bachelors of Science in Accounting, my path led to a different route than my peers in the School of Management. 

While completing my studies, I had applied for and was selected to the commissioning program for the United States Marine Corps to become an officer.

Following graduation, I found myself in snowy Quantico, Virginia where I earned the title of U.S. Marine.

Words can’t describe the feelings that I had on graduation day when I received my butter bars as a second lieutenant, and recieved my first salute.  

At 23 years old, I found myself charged with the welfare and safety of 6 other men. The burden of responsibility was high, but it was an honor to serve alongside them.

I also found myself for the first time making more money than I knew what to do with, coupled with the fact that I was stationed in gorgeous Southern California in the beautiful city known as San Diego, made this a dangerous combination.

Unlike my dorm-style ramen, and milk in a beer cup, I could have more and with it, I spent more.

I discovered my love for novelty during my first trip to Europe in 2017. Walking through the barrio in Barcelona, cafes in Lisbon, and enjoying the nightlife in Prague, I was absolutely hooked.

The multi-ethnic groups, the local cuisine, and the rich history and personal stories shared in cafes and hostels left a big impression on me. 

I did not want to part with Europe. In two weeks, I had grown accustomed to the life of freedom, unfamiliarity, and wanderlust as a backpacker.

I lived out of shady party hostels, boutique AirBnbs, boarded less than safe, rickety planes, and ate questionable foods.

The entire time I was content, constantly observing my surroundings, and quietly taking mental notes while soaking it all in. It was a foreign world to me, one of novelty, innocence, and wonder. 

While I continued on in the service, I gained my footing and became more proficient in my occupation. I gained more confidence and sureness in my abilities, and with it, came more responsibilities.

The days were long, but they were rewarding. 

Facing tough choices

I tossed and turned all night. There was no possibility of being comfortable or a successful night’s sleep.

I pressed the glowlight of my watch and it read 1:04AM. I had less than an hour until my shift began.

I tried to twist around in my sleeping bag to avoid the little rocks jutting into my backside, but it was no use. I had given up any attempts of getting shuteye.

It was unbearably cold that night, in the low 30s. Most of my fellow Marines opted to perform voluntary dehydration, a little technique we used to not have to get out of our sleeping bags and into the frigid cold air of the desert to relieve ourselves. It did not work for me tonight.

As I unzipped my sleeping back, a wave of cold air hit me. I tried with much effort to quickly put on my boots, uniform, and body armor to form a  barrier against the wind.

I slung on my rifle and hurriedly packed my gear in a neat fashion and headed towards the nearest bushes, “designated” as the latrines. 

Upon my return, I ran into one of my young Marines, near the command operations center.

He greeted me good morning and we both stopped to chat. He was the sergeant of the guard that night, which meant absolutely no sleep. 

“Sir, I wanted to ask you, if I should go on the upcoming deployment,” asked the young Corporal.

I could have only guessed the expression on his face, but I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was worried and unsure. He was just 19 years old, and was expecting a child.

A long moment of silence, as I tried to formulate an answer that would both set his mind at ease and give him the right guidance.

I said, “Do what you feel is right, but make sure you have no regrets.” 

It wasn’t the answer he was looking for. It was his decision to make, and one that he would have to live with. 

The number one regret of those on their deathbeds

Gilovich’s study also found that a startling 76% of those on their deathbeds cited that their number 1 regret was living a life that someone else wanted for them, and not for themselves.

For a long time, I was trapped between what others told me what I should be doing versus what I wanted to do.

When I told my mother that I had signed the contract to serve in the U.S. Marine Corps her face was expressionless. It didn’t sink in until a year later when I flew to Virginia for Officer Candidate School.

She had thought this would be a passing fancy and I wouldn’t go through with it. She was wrong. The day I stepped foot in Virginia was the first day that I was living life on my own terms.

I vividly remember when I marched across the parade deck in my neatly pressed Marine Corps uniform on graduation day.

I remember my first salute. I remember the sleepless nights in the desert. I remember the laughs shared with my Marines. I remember that conversation with my young corporal. 

While my responsibilities grew, I had a newfound fire rumbling in my stomach. Perhaps, it was the inspiration I found abroad or it was from the many books I had read. I couldn’t describe it, but it manifested itself through my actions. 

After a long day’s work or early in the morning, I found myself with a voracious appetite for books on history, biographies, real estate, investing, wealth, and personal development.

I was a rabid greyhound chasing a rabbit on race day. I had lost time to make up, and all that mattered was that I got caught up. 

My epiphany

I tirelessly searched books, media, and documentaries for what I was looking for. When I first began that search 3 years ago, I didn’t know how to put it into words exactly what I was searching for, but now I have a semblance of an answer.

Freedom. I had been desperately searching for freedom. Freedom is the power or the right to act, speak,or think as one wants to without hindrance or restraint. 

To me, it means waking up everyday, excited to get to work to create, build, and produce my dream, my vision. 

A wise man once said, “if you don’t build your dreams, someone else will hire you to build theirs”.

And that was my wakeup call. I didn’t want to fall into the trap of working to buy things that I couldn’t afford, with money that I didn’t have, in order to impress people that I didn’t like. 

Death knows no boundaries 

January 26, 2020. I was sitting at a bar in Pacific Beach, CA with my mentor, surrounded by dozens of others, and on TV, ABC news was reporting on the sudden death of NBA star Kobe Bryant, who was first and foremost a son, a husband, and a father.

At 41 years old, it was unexpected and devastating. I have been a Kobe fan since 2003. I felt I personally knew him.

His death is a tragedy, but it also serves as a stark reminder, to really pursue what YOU want out of life.

I have no doubt that Kobe would say that his defining moments in life weren’t the championship rings, the fame or the money.

It had to be his time spent with his wife, times he spent teaching Gigi how to shoot free throws, and the lives he’s changed throughout his career.

Conclusion

Death is an uncomfortable conversation. It’s not dinner table talk, and most of us don’t know how to approach it. Inevitably, we all have to face it. 

Death serves as a powerful reminder: 

• Life is short.
• Be grateful that tomorrow is a new day.

Related post: How To Be More Grateful

The saying goes that the years are long, but the decades are short. In my mind, Kobe lived a more impactful, and fulfilling life in his 41 years than I can ever hope to achieve in a lifetime. 

On my deathbed I would be content if I knew I truly lived. How my life will turn out is unknown, but that’s for me to find out. 

Question for you

Is there anything that you can do now, so that you won’t regret on your deathbed?