Why Is Adulting So Hard, What They Failed to Teach Us
By Warren Wong
I wish there was a manual on how to be an adult. It would make things a lot easier. Rather than bumbling through my 20s and 30s like a drunk clown after a long shift entertaining sugar obsessed kids, I could have put on some music, sit back and relax.
Does it ever get any easier? If someone says they have their “stuff” together, they just haven’t experienced enough of life. At some point or another life is going to punch you in the gut and send you reeling. Been there, done that.
Adulting is Hard Because
Adulting is hard because of all the random and unique experiences we face in life. If only there was a manual that taught us how to navigate when our significant other dumps us over a dumb fight we had, which we don’t even remember how it started. It would be nice if someone taught me how to navigate a new career as a young aspiring corporate professional all the while chasing this mysterious “work life balance” unicorn. Is it even possible?
Adulting is hard because somewhere between realizing our parents don’t know everything and that no one is coming to save us, we’re constantly in the throes of turbulent life events. Whether that’s experiencing a tragic loss for the first time or the beautiful and agonizing joys of young parenthood. Can you be really prepared for these things or you just have to improvise as you go?
When I experienced my first real heartbreak, no one gave me a how-to guide on how to deal with the seemingly agonizing stake someone impaled through my heart. I just tried pulling it out, causing more pain than if it was surgically removed. The joys of young and dumb love.
Things I Wish They Taught Us
Of course there’s no guide on how to be an adult. That would just be too easy. There’s plenty of books and gurus that profess they’ve figured out the perfect solution to your life’s woes, but the truth is that we’re living an unique existence to ourselves, but similar to everyone else.
We aren’t the only person to ever experience heartbreak nor are we the last person to deal with crippling self doubt. Leaving our little bubble when we’re in the throes of pain to accept help can be quite difficult. In this stage of grief, anger, and consciousness we’re too focused on our little world, just what’s in front of us.
If we aren’t ready to accept help no amount of pushing or shoving will make a difference. You can lead a horse to the river, but you can’t force it to drink.
If only someone could give us the answer and point us in the right direction. Alas, life isn’t so cut and dry. There’s options to be weighed, things to try, and mistakes to be made. Perhaps, this is what the human experience is all about. Stumbling our way through life makes it fun, albeit painful at times too.
Life is Meant to be Hard
Life is meant to be hard. I don’t know if I still believe it fully, because half of me wished it were easier. It would be great if there was a manual to life. A step by step guide on how to deal with envy, navigate tricky relationships, and handle the unexpected.
I’ve come to the conclusion that if life was too easy, we wouldn’t be content. It’s exactly the juxtaposition of easy and hard times that makes success and accomplishment so rewarding.
I grew up with a saying that, if it was easy, then it wouldn’t be worth it. And I still believe in old fashioned hard work. The sense of accomplishment after conquering a new skill. The day in and day out grind. It gives life purpose. Perhaps I’m a sadist with a disposition for self-punishment.
On our journey through life we make every mistake imaginable. We overvalue money, and neglect our relationships and health only to one day realize that we made a huge mistake. That money was never the end goal, just a means. We neglect and bottle up our emotions at the sake of being “strong”, only to realize that it’s doing us more harm than good. It manifests in odd ways like shutting ourselves from the world, wallowing in self-pity, and using drugs to numb feelings we can’t seem to put a handle on.
I always wondered if we have to make every mistake imaginable in order to gain wisdom. Is that how wise people self-actualize? Perhaps the wisest amongst us are the ones that have made all the mistakes.
Conclusion
Adulting can feel like you’re grasping for a bannister to support yourself in a completely dark stairwell. At times it can be quite painful to face our demons or explore new and imposing goals that are good for us, but we just can’t get ourselves to do. Eventually, with enough prodding from our friends and family we manage to do the “right” thing, what’s best for us.
There’s so many things that they failed to teach us. “They” as in metaphorical society, parents, or school. But can we really blame them when they are just as imperfect as us? They are just as fallible, with their own quirks and kinks to work out. They’re just as messed up as we are.
In the end, the only thing we can do really is put one foot ahead of the other and work our way up the staircase. Maybe with the support of our friends and family we can make it to the top with just a few nicks and bruises, and attain a bit of wisdom ourselves.
